digressica.com

Entries from June 2008

seven things I’ve realised in the last 24 hours

June 29, 2008 · Leave a Comment

1. This is definitely the right season to dye my hair red

2. There is a drycleaner much closer to my flat than the one I’ve been using

3. The fact that I allow myself to sleep in until noon on the weekends probably isn’t helping my mid-week insomnia

4. Jersey royal potatoes oven-roasted in aluminium foil with salt, pepper, rosemary and a little olive oil = foodgasm

5. Topshop is much cooler than I gave it credit for

6. Sometimes there are people who just hate you, and you can’t do anything about it, and you shouldn’t bother trying, especially if every previous attempt to reconcile has been met with soul-withering hostility

7. This just in – it’s 4am on Sunday morning and the sun is coming up. I nee d some fucking sleeping pills.

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jesus loves everyone on this bus

June 29, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I’m not an atheist. I’m not a whopping great Jesus-lover either.

I suppose aside from a few core values that I won’t bore you with (but which may include an unfounded conviction that if there is a heaven it will involve some sort of roller disco and the greatest hits of Leo Sayer playing on a loop), my great overriding belief is that it’s completely okay to believe in whatever you want, and that it’s even okay to talk about it, as long as you’re not on a recruitment drive, and as long as you’re not obnoxious about it.

But what constitutes obnoxiousness and what is mere youthful enthusiasm?

I was on a bus today (going to Brent Cross shopping mall to spend basically my entire pay check on clothes, shoes and hair clips), and just as my iPod battery died, this obnoxious but sort of sweet teenage boy behind me thought it was an appropriate moment to stand up and tell the assembled commuters how Jesus felt about us.

Apparently from Jesus’ perspective, it’s quite a positive relationship we’ve got. That’s with all of us, according to this kid – even the bitch who rudely pushed in front of me to get on the bus, which I thought was stretching the imagination a bit, but I didn’t say so.

I’m not sure this boy got the reaction he was after though. He didn’t really get any reaction. I don’t know how he felt about this. I suspect it must have been a bit of an anticlimax.

The thing is, I wanted to tell him, you’ve got to pick your audience. We’re in England. It’s not that we don’t appreciate the abstract fondness of your personal deity. It’s just that any public displays of affection make us feel faintly uncomfortable. Even if they come from an omnipotent, salvation-providing father figure.

I mean… thanks anyway. But seriously.

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the five rules of digressica.com

June 27, 2008 · Leave a Comment

So I am starting a new blog (don’t worry about the first one, it was total rubbish), and think it’s probably best to lay down some ground rules. For me, obviously, not for you. I don’t even know you.

Rule #1
No ‘and then I did this’ posts just because I’m too lazy to come up with something interesting and/or useful and/or amusing to write about.

The scourge of the blogosphere – ‘And Then I Did This’ Syndrome, sometimes known as And Then I Did This, And Then This Other Thing Happened, And Then There Was Another Non-Event To Follow The First One, And Then Everyone Vomited From Boredom, And Then Ate Their Own Vomit Because They Were So Fucking, Fucking, Crotch-Punchingly Bored Syndrome.

No more, it’s the law.

(I can’t promise I won’t break this rule, but when I do I will try to swear a lot to disguise the fact that I’m shockingly uninteresting. You know, like Gordon Ramsay.)

Rule #2
No real names…

…because obviously I am such a truly cracking blogger that digressica.com will inevitably attract an Incredible Hulk-sized readership that will spill over from the anonymous world of the Interwebs and demand more, more, more of the Digressica Experience, and propriety be damned, they will hunt down all friends, family and co-workers even fleetingly mentioned in said blog and wring them for information, photos, used underwear and the answer to the question on everyone’s lips – who is the shattering genius behind digressica.com, and how can we be her friend? For reals.

(This rule has nothing to do with creating a cheap, artificial air of mystery, or protecting myself from the friends, family and co-workers I intend to bitch about.)

Rule #3
No bad language.

I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.

Rule #4
No excessive bad language just because I’m too lazy to come up with good words and shit.

Rules #5
Be awesome.

I can’t promise I won’t break this rule either. The truth is I’m actually crap, and this will become more and more apparent with every post.

Still… let’s just ride this crazy wave of deficiency together. It’s about the journey, man. Not the disappointing, embarrassingly inadequate destination.

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