1. I wonder if I’m getting enough vitamins.
Are we meant to actually take vitamins, or is that a fallacy created by big business pharmaceuticals and perpetuated by women’s magazines whose job it is to make us feel bad about ourselves? I can’t decide. Today I attempted to drink this Vitamin Volcano smoothie thing from Pret. Didn’t like it, and don’t feel like I’m bursting with sunshine and health.
2. I wonder if I’m getting enough hours of sleep.
Eight? Six? Five? Five and a half? Four? What exactly is the ideal nightly amount? I am on a constant quest to find my own perfect sleeping-to-waking ratio. Sometimes I can function for days on only four hours a night, and I become convinced that four hours is my optimum, and start to cram in loads more to-do list items to fit in my brand new 20-hour day, and get a bit full of myself, and start looking down on all the suckers who need a full eight hours in order to go about their humdrum lives. And then on the third or fourth day, I forget to wear shoes to work.
3. Sammie Lesbot didn’t reply to my text message. She always replies to my text messages. It’s been several hours. She must have been hit by a car, or kidnapped, or stabbed in Tesco. She must be trapped under the tube.
Actually when you think about it, it’s an amazing feat of cerebral athleticism, leaping straight from reality, OVER rationality and logic, and landing effortlessly on top of unfounded panic without even breaking a sweat.
4. Hmm, this economy thing sounds bad. I am a grown-up now. This could possibly affect my lifestyle in some way. Nonetheless, I am going to buy some new boots and this very nice purple coat. Ooh, look at that iPhone. WANT.
I got both my financial prowess and indefatiguable shopping ability from my mother.
5. Hmm, this road seems clear enough. Although… there seems to be a vehicle coming. Or is it a tree? It’s hard to tell from this distance. Well, I will just wait it out before attempting to cross the road. Tra la la.
Better embarrassingly safe than sorry.