Attention, Landmarkers. I am running a racket.
Attention, non-Landmarkers. Running a racket is top-secret (not really) Landmark Forum jargon for someone or something is getting on my nerves and I would like to whinge about it in three, two, one:
My Landmark Forum In Action seminar leader called me last week. I was at work, and rather busy, didn’t want to talk to anyone at all, and especially not anyone Landmarky. Talking to Landmarky people means that I have to have things like integrity, energy and responsibility. Three things best left alone on a Monday morning.
“Hi, Jessica? It’s ****. Are you interested in doing the Landmark Assisting Programme?”
“Um. What?”
“We really need assistants for some of the seminars.”
“Oh.”
“We’re desperate.”
“Oh. When do you need someone?”
“This Thursday night. Can you come? It would really help us out.”
“Um. Sure. What time?”
“6:30.”
“See you then.”
“Oh, that’s great! We’ll see you on Thursday. Thanks!”
Actually, I’m not at all interested in the Assisting Programme. The Assisting Programme is for Forum graduates who want to climb the ranks of the Landmark elite, ruthlessly clawing their way up out of the writhing pit of volunteers with their endless stories of rackets, breakdowns, breakthroughs, transformations and all manner of jargony life moments they’ve experienced since the forum. In short, they want jobs.
But I like my seminar leader. She’s sensible and intelligent, and she said she was desperate. So I decided I would go, because I told her I would, and because I have lots of Landmarky integrity these days.
Cut to 6:30 on Thursday night. I am prepared for a hectic night of running around the way I have seen assistants do on television. I march into Landmark Forum headquarters on Eversholt Street near Euston station to find a suspicious number of people milling around, all of them wearing name badges that say ‘Assisting Programme’.
“Hi, I’m here to assist. What can I do?”
“Oh!” A look of bewilderment. “Great! Um… go see that guy in the grey shirt.”
I approach the guy in the grey shirt. “Hi, I’m here to assist. What can I do?”
“Oh!” A look of bewilderment. “Great! Um… go see that guy in the blue shirt.”
I approach the guy in the blue shirt. “Hi, I’m here to assist. What can I do?”
“Oh!” A look of bewilderment. “Great! Um… see that girl over there? The one writing the intention of tonight’s session on the whiteboard?”
I look over. There is a girl writing a couple of sentences on a whiteboard in huge letters. She is taking approximately one minute to write each word. “Yes.”
“Do you think you could read out the intention of tonight’s session to her so she can write it without looking at it?”
A look of bewilderment. This time from me.
“Yes. I think I can do that.”
I’m so glad I could help Landmark in their hour of desperation. Nobody reads aloud like me.
4 responses so far ↓
Dan Weiss // January 9, 2009 at 16:37 |
I’ve done some assisting and found it very valuable, but I don’t think how you were invited reflects what the Assisting Program is about at all. I assisted because I got something out of it for myself, not because I felt obligated to.
If you have the time, you might want to call your local office and let the center manager or person and charge know what your experience was, because what happened with you seems inappropriate.
digressica // January 9, 2009 at 17:08 |
I think you’re right, it can be really valuable for a lot of the people who do it. Essentially, you get to attend a seminar series for free, which is certainly a bonus. It’s just a bonus I wasn’t really interested in.
And I know, I should probably have said all this to my seminar leader instead of (or as well as…) blogging about it… but I guess I decided to shrug it off instead. What’s one wasted evening in the grand scheme of things?
I’m glad you got something out of it though! I admit, the volunteers at my seminars always seem to be ecstatically happy, so clearly there’s something in it.
Please don't nick my content (you boring, whiny fuck) | digressica.com // February 26, 2009 at 02:10 |
[...] it irked me to find this blog post, which quotes a post of mine about the Landmark Forum in full and introduces it by describing me, the author, as a ‘professional in crisis’ (erm… [...]
forumflunkie // April 17, 2009 at 18:52 |
Oh, please! It is what it is, and that’s all it is … it will never be more, never be less. You’re making it mean something and really, it doesn’t mean anything. It is what it is and that is all it is. Life is meaningless. Didn’t you learn that yet? hehehehe you A$$holes!